Thank you guys so much for the sweet messages here on AsianCajuns while I’ve been away.
These past six weeks have been bewildering, scary and exhausting. As Cath mentioned a few weeks ago, I was in the hospital for two weeks due to complications caused by endometriosis. I had a burst cyst and a tenacious infection that was treated with surgery and mah-hooosive doses of antibiotics. Slowly, but surely I’ve been on the mend (woohoo!) — but it’s the “slowly” that takes me by surprise.
This is going to sound like such a naive and stupid thing to say, but who knew recovery could take so long and be so hard. I assumed recovery would be just feeling a bit tired and getting to watch netflix for hours on end while loved ones ply you with bowls of soup and plates of buttery toast (thank you Matteo and mom!). But when your body is trying to knit itself back together post-surgery and been pummeled with what one of my doctor’s described as “liquid bleach” (aka the burliest, muscliest batch of antibiotics) and an unending supply of potent pain killers, surprisingly your body doesn’t just bounce back.
Part of my impatience at this slow recovery has come from wanting to get as far away emotionally, mentally and physically as possible from this experience. I know we are meant to build character and inner strength during very difficult times, but I seriously want to say “erm, thanks for this opportunity for spiritual growth and wisdom and all, but I think I’ll take a pass. Rain check (for never)? Okay then! Buh-bye!” And then run as far and fast as I can from reminders of hospital machine beepings and long moments of pain.
Unfortunately, it isn’t a choice — this long-haul recovery. It’s not letting me stick my fingers in my ears and go “LA LA LA LAAAA” until it’s all over (fist shake!). But with all my graceless grumblings I feel very lucky to have had so much support from family and friends. Also, if you are going to feel unwell for weeks on end, it’s not too shabby to get to spend one of those weeks in an Italian villa with some of your very favorite people in a place that I’m pretty sure might be heaven.
As beautiful as Sant’ Antonio was, I feel a little cheated. I didn’t get to properly soak up Cath time because I had to spend energy on recovery (again with that patience thing — when will I learn?). Recovery is a little like a haze that blurs moments that should stand out in sharp relief: I was in a beautiful Italian villa with my twinie! Instead, the blurriness makes me think of sitting on my bed grumbling about some pain.
I can’t wait to see you again without the haze and with less grumbling on my part! And it isn’t so very far away is it? December is practically right around the corner!
Miss you to the moon and back!
Campari Spritzly Yours,